Preparing for Surgery

Posted: September 23, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

The last couple of weeks have been a little interesting. During the last few days of my adventure in Ethiopia, my belly started revolting against me. It really wasn’t that bad until I stepped onto the plane for the trip home. Yeah, that’s right… super yucky belly just as I am embarking on a day of travel. Good stuff! Anyway, I was sick for the first few days after getting back and I worked from home. Not exactly a smooth transition back to normal life!

I started feeling significantly better toward the end of that week and my family and I were off to celebrate the internationally renowned King Turkey Day in Worthington, Minnesota. I think I probably ought to have stayed home, simply for the stability that would have afforded me. I was not myself the whole weekend and I made poor choices with my food and my time.

I’ve really been pretty “off” all this week as well. Yesterday, in fact, I fell into a little bit of depression and all I wanted to do when I got home from work was lay down. Thankfully, I have a loving, truth-telling wife who would not allow me to stay where I was. I ended up going to the gym and running a couple of miles. After Charlotte returned from work, we had a very good conversation about my state of mind and heart.

She is not blind and she has clearly seen that I have been off. After calling out some of the patterns that she saw in me, I shared with her some of the things I’d been thinking about through the day. I won’t get into the details here, but it was cathartic to talk to her about it and get this yuckiness out in the open.

The timing of all this is perfect. God has invited me to go through the Wounded Heart program at Valleybrook Church this fall. While the group is loosely based on Wounded Heart by Dan Allender, which is primarily focused on healing from sexual abuse, it has evolved in recent years to focusing simply on healing from wounds of the past. I am entering this process with a little (or a lot of) fear and trepidation as I know it will be painful, but I also know that it will be good and I will be freer at the end of this program.

As I look back on the recent events of my life and the way I’ve been feeling, I’m seeing this all as preparation for what God is going to do through Wounded Heart in the coming weeks. God is looking out for me and priming my mind and heart, stirring up truth that I have wrestled with, showing me what lives in me that shouldn’t, all to prepare me for the freedom he has in store for me.

  1. LeeAnn Smith says:

    Thanks for sharing the messy stuff! It sounds like God is totally preparing your heart for what He wants to do in you this fall. I’m sure it won’t be easy, but He is the Promise Fulfiller. Which means that more and better life IS on the other end of this- for you, but by extension the more and better life will flow into your relationships with your wife, your son, and anyone else you come in contact with. How cool is that!?! Its totally and completely worth it, friend. I am standing on the sidelines cheering you on, “Go for it! Go all in! Go deep as God will take you!” because seriously, the benefits are amazing. Here’s to the pain that heals, and Life Giving surgery.

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